excitement for my little life

tonight i stopped by robin's and we ate our most favorite ice cream of all time... tillamook's udderly chocolate. so smooth and amazingly chocolatey.

then we worked on a song that robin wrote and we did a really good job of finalizing the lyrics! it is a pop song! we love pop and we are going to sound really great as a pop duo or band, depending on what form it all takes. scott plays with us when he doesn't hate music... ah ha. he will like this song though i think. it's great!

i've been taking drum lessons and practicing a lot. i am a driven individual. i feel like i don't know many people that are as driven as i am so i am going to count on it paying off in the end. it's got to!

i cleaned my room last week and so far have been maintaining the tidiness. it's a new era for my room and my organizational skills, i think. i see my bedroom as a sort of a temple now, ready for anything especially relaxing. having some spiritual items in the room has really helped (candles, incense, crystals).

i am going to have a ladies only craft night on thursday and i need to think of some good snacks to have available. i am excited!

girls rock camp

hello, my friend heather is rad enough to start a g.r. camp in vegas and she and a few friends have put forward tons of energy and money to make it happen.. it's such a great cause.
i was able to go to a panel discussion about the camps in austin, tx and came out of it feeling really touched and amazed by these ladies!

please visit this blog and donate to girls rock camp las vegas to empower girls through music!

http://girlsrockvegas.blogspot.com/

if there is an unpleasant task you are not looking forward to, i recommend doing it "in the name of love." even if you are alone, this should work. you can also light a candle and incense as a wish for finding love.

Something that did not occur to me earlier in life is the fact that I have social anxiety. And we're talking: A LOT. I don't know if it developed as of recently or if I have always had it. I guess I can tell that throughout time I have found various ways of isolating myself, which probably suggests social anxiety... but a favorite quote from Daria says, "I don't have low self-esteem, I have low esteem for everyone else." And this is how my isolation has often felt.

Now I am less of the center in my own universe than before so I recognize that people out there are cool and interesting and maybe if I am bored it is bot because the people around me are dull but I myself am dull. Hopefully soon I will figure out how to be myself around groups..? Glalalalaaaaaaaaaaaah. I feel like a dusty old shoe, creeping out of the woodworks!

i found this sheet of paper on my floor from years ago, the writing is very hard to read because maybe it was wet at one point.

"I don't know where I'll be without it.
The world is a vast stranger now.
I wanted to unravel it.
It had its way with me.
When we are older will we be stronger?
I dreamed of my death last night.
Millions were low in the rain; I said, 'Take me higher!' But my grandfather sat there, content with wife and great-grandchild. I said, 'There's a way to speak truth, there's a place to turn this sound on.' And here we are now--Do not be afraid.
Be complete and we cannot help but love you."

worst post ever

oh dear

my path in life is saying to me "Stop!"

i think i need to get an appt with barbara my favorite doc and shamanic healer.

i will tell her that i am thinking of playing music for a year before starting my science classes for the mcat----------mcat-------------------------------that whole thing is starting to feel like a bad idea.

that is because i went to this panel discussion of women who have been running Girls Rock Camps all over the world. and my heart was really with them.

my heart is into doing science as well--there's not much i am not interested. but i think i wanted to be a dr. because i wanted to be a healer. then i saw a sign that said "teaching changes lives!" and realized that learning is the healing that empowers me most, and that i should maybe go with my talents, increase them, not fear failure.

maybe my reasons for wanting to be a dr were somewhat fear based-----i want to know everything so that i can make decisions, so that i have more control. maybe that is fine. fear-
i fear a change in the world where music is a memory and what we need is survival skills.
i fear not being able to support those i love with money!
i fear too many people have bad drs.

i guess i want to be a dr but i want some time to empower myself through my music. i don't think i have done what i wanted to do with it--there's unfinished business. maybe that's why i am freaking out now.

or maybe i fear that i won't make it and that i should have gone with my passions.