i love my fam

i am wrapping up a week that i spent in coronado with my brother and his family. tons of fun and sun and i don't want to leave quite yet so i'll make a quick trip to the beach early in the morning before my flight.

some of my friends got to come out, that was fun. robin, edie (a baby), and larissa flew down with me to hang out and visit their respective families. mark and his friend mike came on their way back from getting mark's wisdom tooth pulled in mexico.

i knew that mark would love the kids. luckily he got a fair dose of them today, they were cute and hilarious as usual. mike really bonded with kate and her version of "old mcdonald" on the guitar. she even tried to convince the boys to let her keep the busted up guitar that they got in tj, mexico.

mike said it just makes him want to have a whole bunch of kids. since this is the family with triplets, all the kids are about the same age and energy level.. 5 kids from ages 2-7. then mark said that you'd have to have three at once, though, to make it this fun, and asked kate if she ever wishes she was a quintuplet instead of a triplet so that she'd have two more kids her age to play with. she immediately said, "yeeeeees" in her wishful, woeful tone, as if she had thought about this a lot in sadness. it really cracked us up.

it was great to see dionne (my sis) and her kids as well when they came up for the weekend. lots of love! megan and i really boogie borded for a good long time.. i always feel like i will be sad when my nieces and nephews get older, but really it's a lot of fun. megan always likes to fool people, though, and told me she was 10. i really shouldn't have believed it even though it's only a year from the truth.

parents came up tonight to help take care of jeff and court's kids while courtney goes out of town.. that'll be interesting! i want to nanny next time.. good to see them, though. good luck to them with the crazy kids. my advise is focus on how cute and funny they are and don't get caught up trying to control the volume/drama. they are wild and so much fun.

I did everything today because today has lasted 19 hours so far. Canoeing, care taking, home making, number-crunching, crushing, cooking, learning, teaching, magic.

I forgot to eat and to drink water because so much was going on. I want to take a break from medication and see what that is like. I guess I can have a positive expectation and if it fails, fall-back. I guess I've been afraid of feeling so out of control and scared in the way that I felt before all of this happened. But I have learned a great deal and I feel like my life is safe, secure, predictable, and full, which I think is a very good foundation for risk-taking in this way. When I was in school I could not experiment with taking a vacation from my meds because I felt I had too much to lose and had already an abundance of evaluations from my faculty excusing(/accusing) me of deadlines and other disfunction for personal/health reasons. I will be seeing my Dr. of course.

I just wrapped up my abnormally long and full day by eating and drinking for the first time in over 17 hours. It feels really strange, like I just reminded my body that I am a person, not just a force. Something about the chaos and creativity makes me feel very alive, but I feel almost certain today that I do not have a calling in life other than to live it as simply and honestly as I can, with room for my passions/needs included. I want to love someone lastingly, start a small and simple business (I've got a pretty good plan!), and spend the rest of my time doing the things I do now. I think I will stop trying to sell people my music because it does not work or bring me fulfillment of any sort, nor will it ever unless by chance I become as famous as Fall-Out Boy (HA!) and somehow... as lasting as Radiohead or REM. Is there room in our culture for this lasting respect?? I guess if it is deserved. But this should not be confused: I hardly want or deserve the responsibility to speak to the masses about everything.. I just want to share what I know, emotionally.

I really need to get my camera fixed so I can spice this thing up a bit. No one likes a picture-less blog!

dudes will be dudes.

no that is not a new movie title, it's a new philosophy.

Too Many Moms II Screamin' at My Birthday

yay

i just found a list of fake movie titles johnny and mike and i called and asked for, as a prank when we were somewhere strange like vermillion, nc.

here goes

Too Many Moms
Too Many Moms III Hatin' My Dad
Too Many Moms IV Far Too Many Moms
Pork to the Butcher
We Crave More (what are these last two? i dunnooo)
Hard Candy, "no not the drama, the pornographic version"
Soft Moms II, Fightin' With Crime
Ham For A Dime
Screaming at Mimes
Slammin' With Shrines
Slammin' With Spines
Slammin' With Slime
Slammin' With Limes
Lemons With Limes
Strawberry Wine
Slammin' Through Time
Womens with Mimes
Fastin' and Feastin'
Schemin' With Randy
Shavin' w/ Rodman
Brokeback Fountain
Backpack Fountain
Runaway Amy
Kareoke w/ Porky
Porky n' Me
Wives Who Can Rhyme
Google Movie
Dads N' Kids
Brokeback Socket (?)
Clerks (again I say ?)
Shakin' My Tendrils Pt 8
You Are Great
Police School
Drama Bug
Dogs Who Fight Christians
Toastin' To Hogan
Jivin'

"How about that movie with water... or maybe it was a Train... Water Train Massacre"

Aw, I noticed that I have not updated to say that I decided to move after all. That will be sad but probably good for my mental health (I tend to isolate myself which can be a downer). Sarah wrote that Simon has been walking over to my bedroom door and saying "Alff" so he hasn't forgotten me yet. I'm going to miss that home and the family there so so much!

Woo Hooooo! I am celebrating because it has now been...............what? Over two years since B.A.M. has proverbially left me for someone else. I'm so so glad. I have been reading The Glass Castle and man I feel like I know the Dad in the book... and I got away relatively early, thank goodness. A "hard-drinking, hell-raising, charismatic scoundrel."