Friday, August 29, 2008

i just made a list of all the things i have forgotten and missed and messed up over the summer and it is too long considering the few responsibilities i have.

i am thinking of dropping out of school because i don't feel in control or like i can handle the added stress. hmmm. maybe not, though. it could be good for me, plus this quarter i get lots of grant money. maybe i can talk to my professors and reduce the number of credits i am taking for the class.

at least school is very routine and that sort of thing is easier to remember. maybe i can have someone help remind me to do things that are not routine.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

hard break up

i just wrote this to a friend and thought it should probably be documented to describe this time in my life. changed it a bit, due to more thought being put into it. hope this doesn't cheapen the letter. this blog is to help me keep in touch with my family.

so here's the letter:

i am having some struggles to feel not dead but other than that i am well! can't complain too much, i have great friends, music to play, things to do................
it's just those crazy emotions.

my last relationship was a harsh awakening that sometimes everything can seem right and wonderful but the other person is not even on that page at all. i've been really sad about it.

over time it just seems like my ideas about what romance entails get thrown in the dirt. but i am trying to wish it all better, manifest something full and warm.

there is much more to life than this crazy stuff though and i am just going to be patient now. the wishing just makes it feel better.

i am hoping that the medication i am on is helpful. i guess it probably is to some degree. i know it helps me sleep. other than that i feel like i am in grief.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

best friends

little 4 yr old brixton says "recockulous" and no one knows where he got it from. pretty funny.

he is my friend scot's son. robin, his partner, is probably my best friend here in olympia. she played in my band the other night and brixton came to watch but ended up really wanting to be in the band so we let him (without volume on whatever he was playing). scot was a good sport about holding up the bass for him, and he was the cutest bass player/keyboardist ever.

another cute thing about brixton is that he voluntarily told me he loved me, out of the blue. the same day i heard scot refer to his friend stevie as "unlce stevie" so i questioned when i would achieve auntie status. so we told brixton to call me "auntie" and he threw his head back in laughter. but only after a few suggestions, it worked and i am "auntie ruth."

i love when robin and scot laugh really hard. robin has a loud laugh when you really get her and scot always loses his breath.

scot is the weirdest awesome friend i've ever had. he is really adamant about being generous all the time, in a sort of extreme way. when you are his friend you know it for sure. he just set up my guitar to sound really sweet and i can play it a lot easier. now i can start my band, "lazer blade".

robin is also good at showing you that she appreciates your friendship. two of the friendliest people--i'm glad they are together. it is exciting. it is also nice because we all like hanging out and we all are substance free.

i had a baby shower for robin on sunday. i was nervous about it because my house is far out and it was rainy outside. also, i did not feel i had prepared as well as i would have liked to because that show we played was the night before and those things are always a big deal to me. but it ended up great. the activities i planned were a hit--with the favorite being a onesie decorating contest. leala won first place with her simple "eject" design that featured an eject button on the snap away (crotch) part of the shirt. humor reigns.