Saturday, September 13, 2008

so far, the new dosage makes me feel less tired and more present. strange, you'd think if you take more you'd feel more druggy. but i don't! great!

Friday, September 12, 2008

gwen stephani is pretty freaky to me, these days. i don't think she is aging well at all and i can picture her becoming an addict to plastic surgery. white ca girl version of m. jackson? except her music is also attrocious these days. i tried listening to one of her newer albums and i could not shake the feeling that i was in a waiting room to get plastic surgery, or perhaps a crowded shopping mall. i like pop music, don't get me wrong. but i only like good pop music.

examples: rhianna - umbrella
anything lauren hill did
destiny's child - say my name (this is dated, i know)
brittney spears - toxic
r kelly - all of it (i mean all his songs and film and everything. those sensitive to profanity, beware)

and i am sure there are more songs and artists i like but that's it for now. i like micheal jackson's old music too, of course. and this is not a bad thing. it is also not bad that i like r. kelly as an artist. it is not my place to call anyone "guilty" or "innocent", but all i know is that for the insane and scum of the earth, it is better they make art than not. art is theraputic and might help them not do really horrible things that might otherwise happen. this is something i talked about with dennis the other day and i would like to credit him with the idea that it is good for them to make art.
still having some confusion about dreams verses reality. i had to call mike and ask if i was supposed to do child care sometime this week. that was just a dream! weird.

anyway, i should have maybe worked tonight at the venue. i didn't realize i'd be up so late, but also, my scooter is in the shop. next month mark will be on tour and i'll have more of a job again, but also i will be in school. hopefully that all goes over well. my faculty seems a little more aware of disabilities about reality and requirements than my faculty last spring. so i am meeting with them soon to plan how i can be successful in the program. they said i can shoot for a full 16 credits without getting worried if i fall short. i am excited as i will be studying music, math and physics. i never dreamed i would take another math class, but i find myself liking the way it feels to understand that sort of thing. i think it will help in my recovery, anyway. i plan to get better.

i am playing music with really good people these days (also, they are people that have a sincere desire to play with me and not people that i am dating, pheeew!), i hope that we get really good and are successful. i feel positive about it all. i have quite a lot of recording to do--wonder if i can do some of that as part of my schooling this year.

dennis and i have been eating mostly raw foods when we are together. this feels great. it is hard to cook for just myself; i enjoy having company. but we are in different cities sometimes, but that is ok. i enjoy spending time in seattle and he likes it here, too.

today i rode my bicycle like crazy! there are really nice trails that surround me. so i can go from my house to downtown pretty much all on woodland trails! it's awesome.

my scooter is getting serviced in the shop. hope all goes excellent and not too expensive.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

dennis has really great eyes. they are more expressive than most. also, our ancestors might have been friends, i think. he's rewlated to wilford woodruff by marriage, sorta how i am related to b. young.

Monday, September 8, 2008

new stuff

hi everyone. i am well. robin has her baby soon. i haven't been brave enough to up my dosage, yet, mainly because i think it'll make me feel more drowsy. perhaps i'll try tonight.

anyway, i got some drums at a really good price. i am really happy with them but need a few more pieces and then they'll be great. i am going to soundproof the old chicken coop out at the end of our yard to have more ability to practice.

i am taking a class on music and math that starts on sept 30th.

i also have a boyfriend, now. it is nice to know that he likes me enough to be monogamous, and i really like him, too. his name is dennis. ha. (my dad's name is dennis). dennis is a lot of fun and he is an artist and performer, also an oyster farmer.

here's his website we figure everyone who would care will find out soon enough so it's ok to post this.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

it's funny when people throw down this patriotic business about why we should not question authority. what, possibly, could be more patriotic than ensuring our government does not operate as a fascist government? what could be more patriotic than protecting the freedoms that our forefathers died for?

the easy answer for some is that the war is protecting our freedom. but in actuality, we must wake up to realize that we have our local freedom to worry about. freedom of the press, freedom of speech, the right to assemble, etc. checks and balances are being obscured and silenced.

this makes me feel unsafe. especially if we are attacking iran. iraq and iran will unite to defend their home and we will be in big trouble.

more media about arrests

amy made some very good points in the small video at the bottom of this page:

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

ok the doc just upped my dosage again. people seem to be pretty insistent that this is what it is and that i need the meds. i told her i didn't want to take anything and she asked why and i could not think of a great answer. i asked if it was maybe making me sad. she said probably not and that i look a lot better this month than last. and i guess it is true, even though i have been sad about clark, i have been less sad than when my chemicals just felt out of whack. that was all very untimely for me.
she asked if i still heard voices and i said that it's just a little and they are just soft and don't bother me, but i guess the goal is to get rid of them. i might miss them! haha. i can hear music by thinking about it sometimes.
i think maybe nothing is wrong with me but i am very smart and sensitive. i might discuss this with my doctor tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

well, apart from arrested news reporters and the oppression of law enforcement agencies giving me the shake up, things are pretty good. i have not had therapy all summer, though, because of beaurocratic systems that are helpful but tricky, and i am really looking forward to the time when i can get some help in that department.

i thought of something that might help my mind.... maybe it is exercise, diet, etc etc. i want to get well and not have a loss in gray brain matter. songs are good because they help me remember things i learn. so i am taking music and math, seems very brain-wise. and i want to read helena's book. she wrote Dangerous Peace-Making and I can get it at the library.

Here is a review:
n Dangerous Peace-Making, Meyer-Knapp offers an intelligent, exhaustively researched, and brilliantly argued analysis of complicated and often unpredictable factors that must be understood if one wants to understand how wars end. While acknowledging the passion and commitment of "ordinary people committed to peace," Meyer-Knapp's case studies of wars in Rwanda, Bosnia, Ireland, Palestine, and South Africa illustrate her contention that "the peace-oriented should lay . . . responsibility squarely at the feet of . . . the political leaders," those with the power to sanction war and to end it. Her concluding chapter about justice, mercy, memory and peace offers mercy, especially, not as "forgiveness," but as deliberate decision and action. "Without mercy, without the willingness to desist from the punitive and destructive acts that remain within their power, there is no way for leaders in a war to bring their fighting to an end." This is an important book, one that thoughtful citizens should read, particularly those who want to move beyond over-simplified analyses to one grounded in historical and political realities.

sadly and innapropriately at best, Amy Goodman arrested

i had a nightmare a while back about the secret service. i did nothing to maybe induce it. i've been taking a break from all that, but i think i need to dive back in to the degree that i can handle.

Monday, September 1, 2008

i have forgot to mention on here that my roommates are the coolest. ryan has the coolest looking limo (interesting paint job, pastel colored pin work) which he used to shuttle people from downtown to the party saturday night.

the three of us made lasagna last night even though we were very tired from partying, and this morning i woke up to delicious blueberry pancakes.
this is the list of bands that did not cancel, that really played the event. everyone was great. it is about half what we planned, but i think that some people expected more communication from us or something.

Dennis Driscoll
Eli Moore
Buffalo Voice
White Boss
Ruth, Alice & Dana
The Sweaty Sweaters
Number Bear
The Slaves
Adrian Orange
Joey Casio
Psychic Housedress(she would have played but we ran out of time, crap!)
Peaches: Breaches
well, mikrofest xi was just at my house. i think we need to plan better next time. these things are surprisingly hard!

but people had a good time, for the most part. i think they were glad to be out on the farm. the night got started off roughly with a downpour on our festival, but it cleared up. however, most bands did not feel like playing on the outdoor stage/arena we created for the event, so everyone just played in the garage. and we were so very behind schedule all night. this got quite stressful.

my band is still a new lineup and we were kinda sloppy, partially because i was stressed, but i think we were really well-received, regardless. could get better in the future, i know. i should probably have my things on consignment in the local record stores because people seem to not bring money to these things, at night. i think they bring beer money, unfortunately.

sunday completely fell apart with all but one band that was scheduled to play canceling or not showing up, and everyone leaving around 8 am when things were scheduled to start at 11 am. there were a few people that biked out to the sunday show to no avail, but we played horseshoes and ate apples from trees instead and they seemed to enjoy that. we listened to
"the dusty tales" compilation that i am on, from europe, and it was really enjoyable. i have just recently discovered how much i love the comp.

i think i may be heading back to the dating game, only in a fun and light way. it feels better this way.