only one more day in austin. i will miss the warm. i saw alex and a couple other people from oly last night! seen so many oly people here this week i felt more popular than "y'all". not that we are competing.

i enjoy drinking psyllium husk mixed with water.

ugh my algebra final was really hard. i did not see that coming. i think i did alright on it, though..

i just learned how to play "be mine" by rem and i conclude that it is the most beautiful song written on guitar.

I get a really silly feeling when I think about being a Dr. It feels like my heart is jumping up and down with excitement and saying "Yes!"

I think it has something to do with the type of person I want to be. Musicianship is an egotistical route based on aesthetics which are all subjective. High-brow musicianship (which is generally what I like) attracts hipsters, and hipsters will love you one minute and be ready to throw you out in the next. I don't want to deal with it. I like making music for those that want to hear it and I don't want to worry about money when it comes to that. Case closed.

i feel like i am making the last big decision of my life and it is really hard. it is hard because i thought i had it figured out: become a dr if you can. now i see that i can! i can probably even go to the med school of my choice! but i'm pulled in different directions.

i am a healer in spirit, in nature. and i can't handle the struggle of really trying with music and have it not go well. my last tour went ok but the music wasn't good enough. the logistics all worked out with money, though, even though we had a major setback.

i went to a specialist the other day about a health problem and what he told me made me faint and sort of freaked out and there was no hiding it. will i learn how to maintain this sensitivity?

i could practice four hours a day on drums, a few on guitar, some on piano and voice and improve with my music and make music that sells, figure out how to sell myself. i am smart enough and driven enough to do anything. but i can't figure out what it is that i want.

ARAHGHAOAGJEOGMDKGMVFSKHN that's how i feel.

oh and even though i am smart, i cannot spell for the life of me.

i don't have a really nasty soul or anything but i've realized when i do feel "hatred" it is when i am stressed out, especially if i lose something. this happens more often than not and it drives me mad. i lost my prescription just last night and luckily found it this morning at evergreen. BLAH. usually when i want to be in a relationship it is so that maybe my partner can help look after me to make sure i'm not leaving trails of my things everywhere. so yeah, i talk in my head about how i hate everything sometimes. i wish i could stop thinking that word.