i feel like i am making the last big decision of my life and it is really hard. it is hard because i thought i had it figured out: become a dr if you can. now i see that i can! i can probably even go to the med school of my choice! but i'm pulled in different directions.

i am a healer in spirit, in nature. and i can't handle the struggle of really trying with music and have it not go well. my last tour went ok but the music wasn't good enough. the logistics all worked out with money, though, even though we had a major setback.

i went to a specialist the other day about a health problem and what he told me made me faint and sort of freaked out and there was no hiding it. will i learn how to maintain this sensitivity?

i could practice four hours a day on drums, a few on guitar, some on piano and voice and improve with my music and make music that sells, figure out how to sell myself. i am smart enough and driven enough to do anything. but i can't figure out what it is that i want.

ARAHGHAOAGJEOGMDKGMVFSKHN that's how i feel.

oh and even though i am smart, i cannot spell for the life of me.